Sleeping is for losers

Sunday - July 20

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. This happens sometimes, so I do what I always do when I find myself with a minute of peace, quiet and privacy: put the kettle on and settle down for some instant coffee (in KG, all coffee is instant coffee - that's why people drink tea, duh). These moments are nice, you know? I mean I don't often find myself wishing for more peace and quiet, or for more coffee for that matter, but when they come along and the timing is right I appreciate it a lot. This is somewhat reflective of my personal/emotional state in this stage of my travels. I don't feel at odds with the lifestyle I have here, but at the same time, I'm glad it's not permanent. Despite the respect and fondness I've developed for this culture and the people of this city, I'm still enormously attached to my home. My city, my my culture, my way of doing things.

It's been a comfort to know that my time here is just for the summer. Don't get me wrong - I could be happy here for longer than just ten weeks, much longer. In fact, I've recently been experiencing pangs of dread about leaving. After all, how can I possibly say goodbye to these people? How can I possibly express my gratitude to them for being a constant, accepting, supportive part of my life? They've done nothing but look out for me, help me, and if nothing else put up with me for these many weeks. How can I tell them that I'll see them again someday, and that I will absolutely do the same for them, somehow, what they've done for me? And will I? Can I?

But I can feel that the time has also come for me to be asking other questions. Is this an experience I will have again? Can I picture myself coming pack to Bishkek, not just for the summer but for 27 months? What about somewhere else? Could I do this all over again, start from scratch with a different job, different city, different culture, different people, different purpose? Can I put my entire life on hold for more than two years?

The reason I bring this up is because of the Peace Corps. Peace Corps has been part of my plan now for a while. It's just right for me. I don't really know what to do with myself after graduation, and the Peace Corps can offer me many of the things I want, all rolled into one package:
- A steady paying job WITH benefits, WITH vacation, WITH adequate job training
- Various perks such as one year of non-competetive status when applying for other government jobs, and a $6000 "readjustment allowance" (i.e. severance package)
- An unusual lifestyle that allows me the freedom to grow and explore in extreme ways
- A humanitarian cause
I realize that PC is not a perfect organization. Nothing is. I've been there and done that before with TAMS and AIESEC. And although both were difficult and very frustrating at times, I never for a moment second guess what I gained from those experiences. Peace Corps will be no different.

But plans change - people change. The crossroads I find myself at right now (or in the next year or so, anyway) is A) do I move further along the path of a traveler, or B) do I say to myself, "Well that was fun. Now for some sustained normalcy,"? Some people are nomads. Some people are perfectly happy to go frome place to place, pursuing either pleasure or adventure, calling wherever they rest their head 'home'. That's not me though. At a time I thought it would be... that that was destined to be my future. But back then I had no experience with moving or changing. All I knew was the relatively homogenous sixteen years I'd seen up to that point - same house, same settings, more or less the same people... All I knew was that I wanted something different for myself later in life.

I've learned a lot in the last four years. Since then I've successfully resettled myself in three different cities. Since then I've successfully built up three very different, although not entirely mutually exclusive, support networks. I've learned that I can do this - but I don't necessarily HAVE to. Having a home is important to me too. At sixteen I wanted variety, flexability, adventure! Now on the other hand, I have a greater appreciation for consistency. It's really important to me that I feel situated, wherever I am. I like to know where things are, where they belong, where I belong. I like the complexities that come only with a lifestyle that you've invested significant time and energy into. In short, I know now that I can tolerate change without having to seek it out just for the hell of it.

If only I could have the best of both worlds. Wouldn't it be nice if I won the lottery? Then I wouldn't need to think twice about signing up for twenty-seven months of good-deedism in some godforsaken location on the other side of the planet. I could have all the awesomeness of turning things up-side down, and still afford to fly home every few months and spend a couple weeks attending to important relationships and drawing strength from established securities. That way there wouldn't be any irreversible consequences to leaving - I could live one life without neglecting the other.

Do you think that's possible?

Tune in later amigos.

Hello nice to meet you

First of all, I want to apologize for going so long without a post. It's been what, two, three weeks? More? I can't count. A lot has happened since the last update, and maybe if I have time later I'll go back and tell some stories. But for now I have something else to say. There are a handful of people whom I've become quite fond of over the last six weeks. With or without language barriers, it's tough to spend 45 days around the same people without coming to regard some of them as sincere friends. So I want to take a moment to introduce you all to the main players in my Kyrgyz life:

[AT HOME]

Aida

Aida is my fifteen year-old host sister. When I first got here she was somewhat shy with her English. Since then she's either come out of her shell, or her speaking has just improved, but I'm glad for her company. She cooks most of the family meals and is usually the one who makes sure Akmaral eats her food and cleans up her toys. She hangs out with me when I don't have anything to do. Sometimes we walk around, or go to the park or sauna together, or go out for ice cream. Inside the house she's my most constant companion and closest confidante.

Akmaral

This is my seven year-old host sister. She is young and enthusiastic and she reminds me of a puppy, because she is CONSTANTLY soliciting my attention. "Alicia!" she always says - then the moment I look up from what I'm doing she holds up a picture she drew, or makes a funny face that I'm supposed to laugh at. I get this all day long. It's only cute when I'm not busy. Right now one of Akmaral's front teeth is loose, and she very stubbornly refuses to touch or use it at all because she doesn't want the tooth to come out. It's sort of funny, because since there's no root left it sits in her mouth kinda crooked, and it gives her one of those funny crooked-loose-tooth smiles that only seven year-olds have.

Kanykei

Kanykei is the oldest daughter, and she is out and about the most often. When she is in the house though she's nice to be around. She likes to look at my photos and the souviniers I've bought to bring home. Kanykei always laughs and teases me when I try to speak Russian, and although she hasn't any English and we don't share much in the way of conversation, she is the most affectionate of my host sisters.

Gulia

My host mother has pretty much adopted me into the family. When I told her my flight home was scheduled for August 8th, she responded, "Why so soon?" You'd think that having a guest in the house for three months would get annoying, but she treats me just like a daughter. One of the last things I do before I go to bed each night is have tea with her, usually after everyone else is asleep. We sit and talk about our jobs and what we did that day. She sometimes reminisces about when she was in America, and she tells me about Kyrgyz politics or history. It's really nice. She keeps asking me when I'm coming back to Kyrgyzstan (after this summer)

[AT WORK]

Kanybek

Kanybek is the director of "American Courses", the MK International branch that I work for. He has sort of taken responsibility for me. When I first came here it was he who took me out and showed me around. He's the one who helped me renew my visa, and he always makes a point to ask how I'm doing and if everything is okay with my host family. I think Kanybek is about 26.

Artom

He is the secretary/administrator at the main office. He doesn't say much, but I like him. He's pretty good friends with Jeff and Kanybek, so he hangs out with us whenever I drop by to say hello, or to make copies from the teacher file for my classes.

Jeff

Jeff is really a cool guy. He goes to the American University of Central Asia, which I guess is where he got such good English. When I talk to Jeff I forget I’m in another country. We chat, we laugh, we talk about movies… and on occasion he and I will have dinner together at a café, or go walking. He’s a genuinely cool guy, and it’s a shame we don’t spend time together more than once or twice every couple weeks.

Marat

He's a lot of fun. This guy has never had any formal English education but somehow he's picked up quite a lot of words here and there, perhaps from Kanybek and the other people at work. Marat's grammar is terrible but he's not at all shy to use English. He just talks and talks, making jokes or telling stories or explaining things to me about Kyrgyzstan. Marat handles all of the documents and finances for American Courses, and he drives me to and from work every day. I love Marat, he's got a lot of personality and he's a very cool guy.

Rosa

Rosa is Marat's wife, and she's probably about the cutest thing ever. She's one or two years younger than I am, and extremely pregnant. Rosa works as an administrator/secretary for the MK International office I teach at (there are two in Bishkek, the one where I work and the main office in the center of the city). Sometimes she and I walk down to Orto Sai Bazaar together after classes while Marat does paperwork. Rosa’s a really good shopping buddy.

Nordika

Nordi is the the new guy who was hired to take over for Rosa when she has her baby. I think Marat is rubbing off on him, because he didn't talk to me hardly at all at first, but now he doesn't hesitate to chat about this or that in his half English/half Russian. He’s plugged himself into the clique of Me/Marat/Rosa really well, and when there’s a break between classes we all walk down to the supermarket and buy snacks for eachother. Then we sit around and eat for a few minutes, passing a bottle of coke between us.

Bermet

This is the grammar teacher at my school. Each day the students alternate between grammar and talking club, one day with Bermet, one day with me. Bermet is a FLEX alumnus, so she has a unique understanding of American culture. She is one of the only people I know here who understands stuff like alternative music, and chapstick, and other things that just aren’t too common in this culture.

[AIESEC]

Begaiym

Bega is the link between AIESEC and my home life. I live with her aunt and cousins, you see, so I see her around even when I’m not doing AIESEC related stuff. She’s done a lot to make sure that I’m doing okay here. When I was still new and didn’t know how to get around the city, she always made sure to come pick me up for @ meetings and social activities. Bega was also the OCP (organizing committee president) for the childrens’ human rights project I was brought here to help work on – until, that is, she started having some health/personal problems that forced her to reinquish involvement.

Yulia

Yulia is another member of the Save the Future OC team. She’s got sort of a firm, down-to-business way about her that I really appreciate in meetings. She’s also one of the very few people I’ve met here who has a good command of the word ‘Fuck’. I enjoy working with Yulia because I always know she’s serious about what she’s doing in AIESEC.

Vadim

Vadim is a somewhat strange dude, but I like him. He’s made a real effort to help me out with simple challenges like going to the post office. Vadim has been in AIESEC for a few years and many from the current generation don’t know him that well, which I think is too bad. He has a lot of AIESEC knowledge and experience that the others could benefit from if only they’d ask.

Anisa

She’s a very sweet girl who I also know from the Save the Future project. She and her boyfriend, Asiem, are one of those really great couples – the kind that are somewhat affectionate and obviousy enjoy each other’s company, but they aren’t sickening to be around, and they don’t completely ignore everyone else while the other is nearby. One time when I commented on one of her skirts, Anisa took me shopping at a department store called Sela. She ran all around the store picking things out for me and looking for stuff in my size while I was in the dressing room. Anisa is good to talk to, and she always makes me smile.

Of course there are many, many people that I haven't mentioned– more kids from AIESEC, other teachers and students from work, plus family friends and frequent guests in my host home... But these are all the important ones who I see on a regular basis.

It was somewhat strange to realize recently that I’ve been here for six weeks now, and that there are only four to go. I missed the halfway mark completely – I suppose I just quit counting after week three or four. I do still think about Texas and the people at home, but I’m also starting to mediate on the things in Bishkek that I’ll miss after I leave. Like sitting down to drink tea four or five times a day, or running down to the corner underground to buy notebooks and samsa (imagine a hot pocket crossed with chicken pot-pie), or even (gasp!) cramming myself into a minibus with God knows how many other strangers in order to get around the city. Without a doubt though, I’ll miss the people the most; and I sincerely hope I’m able to see them again after this summer.

Tune in later amigos :)